Using Story Time to Build Your Toddler’s Emotional Intelligence

You may already know that it’s important to build up our kids’ emotional skills, but it can also be overwhelming to add on yet another thing on the to-do list. Luckily, supplementing emotional intelligence can be easily added right into something that a lot of us already do every day: Story time.

Incorporating emotional coaching into a positive, bonding activity (like while reading together) is an ideal way to help your child internalize new tools that they’re more likely to use when escalated. While it’s also crucial that we role-model and coach emotional skills outside of reading time, this is an excellent supplement that naturally fits right into your day-to-day routine.

Try out some of these techniques the next time you’re reading with your little one!:

1. Label the Physical Cues to build Emotional Literacy

Before toddlers can name an abstract feeling, they feel it physically. Point out the visual clues to emotions in the book’s illustrations.

"Look at Little Bear’s eyebrows. They’re scrunched up, and his hands are balled up tight. His body is showing us that he feels mad."

2. Validate the Feelings Behind the Behavior

Children often hear that bad behaviors are wrong, which can inadvertently lead them to believe that the feeling behind the behavior is wrong too. Use stories to separate the feeling from the action.

"It makes sense that Bunny feels sad that her ice cream fell. It's okay to feel sad when we lose out on something."

This can also be an opportunity to relay that all feels are okay, but not all behaviors are.

“Max was mad, so he hit his sister. It’s okay to be mad, but it’s not okay to hit. What’s something else can we do when we feel mad?”

3. Ask Questions to Build Knowledge

Connect the character's experience back to your toddler's experiences to build self-awareness, perspective-taking, and empathy.

“Remember when your block tower fell down this morning? Did you feel sad inside like the Monster does right now?"

“Look at the Deer’s face. How do you think he feels? Why do you think he feels that way?”

4. Take Opportunities to Practice Coping Skills

When a character in the book needs or finds a way to calm down, pause and practice that strategy together right then.

"See here? Mouse is taking three deep breaths to help her body feel calm. Let's try taking a big breath with him."